And That’s Why You’re Single

Geplaatst op 28-04-2026

There was a post I read and commented on over at And That’s Why You’re Single about whether or not women should play hard to get with online dating or send the guy your phone number and suggest drinks right away.

I made the comment that online dating was hard enough for men because all of the good women (read: attractive) are being messaged by a bazillion guys already – so furthering that with being “hard to get” is pointless. I also observed that if a woman messages me out of the blue on a dating website with her phone number and suggests we get drinks, I’m going to think that she’s down to fuck and wants pretty much nothing else.

My comment received a lot of thumbs down votes, I presume from female readership. Meanwhile, this comment got thumbs up several times:

Howard says,

Insane. The games people play and think about playing. But no one likes anyone doing it back to them. There is a law in physics: For every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. I just feel like if you start doing something that is not you naturally, that is what you are going to attract, poseurs.

I don’t think it matters if you include a number too early. You still have to meet the person, and make decisions about how you feel later. I think women who are successful dating are extremely friendly but not desperate. I knew a few women like this over the years and they always seemed to have their pick. And they were not easy.

ARE YOU FUN AND INTERESTING? Instead of being in the mode of judging guys to be boring or talkative or arrogant, ask yourself that question and answer it honestly. A guy is going to take you out, probably spend money on the first date and is meeting you after a hard day at work. Are you going to inquisition him, lay down the world according to you, make him do heavy lifting, or put him on the spot? Or, are you going to make sure the encounter is fun and interesting.

The guy doesn’t want to feel like he is being tested. Successful female daters know that. They make sure the encounter is fun and interesting. He will screw up on his own. You don’t have to test him. And you being friendly has nothing to do with the time frame it takes to go to bed with anyone.

Holy. Hell. Howard is clearly an angry beta male who is fed up with the dating market. He just doesn’t understand why, though he brings flowers and chocolates on every date, he doesn’t get laid more often! Why don’t these girls ever want to get serious with him!? HE’S SWEET AND CARING, GODDAMNIT! A man like him shouldn’t be relinquished to life in the friend zone. I’ve decided to answer Howard’s unasked concerns by assessing his comment, piece by piece, and showing you all (and hopefully him) where his thinking goes awry. He’s clearly very misguided in his views on women, men, and male/female relations as a whole. I blame feminism and the false, Hollywood notion of romance which have combined in today’s culture to turn otherwise great guys into White Knights, trying to run in and save every fucking girl they meet in a blaze of glory (that hopefully, though rarely, ends in coitus).

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Where To Start

Insane. The games people play and think about playing. But no one likes anyone doing it back to them. There is a law in physics: For every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. I just feel like if you start doing something that is not you naturally, that is what you are going to attract, poseurs.

Based on this first paragraph, Howard is upset at the games women play – saying that they’re only attracting “poseurs”. This immediately hints at the fact that Howard is a sexually frustrated White Knight beta (a low delta male, on my scale). Being as poseur tends to be derogatory by nature, he isn’t calling himself that. He is aiming his words at women who have gone on a date with him, and then gone on to have sex with some other guy.

He claims these women are fake, and therefore are only attracting fake guys. What he isn’t saying – what is implied – is that they’ve passed up on the genuine opportunity that is Angsty Howard. It is an admonition that if they continue in their ways, they will always be miserable and will never live down the “man they let get away”. Of course, this is horse shit. I digress.

I don’t think it matters if you include a number too early. You still have to meet the person, and make decisions about how you feel later. I think women who are successful dating are extremely friendly but not desperate. I knew a few women like this over the years and they always seemed to have their pick. And they were not easy.

Lets take this a bit at a time. It doesn’t matter if you give a number right away because you still have to meet the person and then assess how you feel about them? This is where we begin to see his misunderstanding of female – nay, human – psychology in general. You see, a woman isn’t going to take notes and go home after the date to size you up. She’s going to shit test you during the date like its her job and then, based on your performance, she’s going to call her girlfriend later and tell her one of two things: That you either had a creepy mustache and there was something off about your eyes; or you had nice hands and oh Sally, his eyes!

You see, he’s approaching dating from a rational and male perspective. Sit, discuss various topics to see where the other person stands, take measure, evaluate, make a choice based on gathered empirical data. Women simply don’t work this way.

He goes on to say that he’s known women like the ones he described and notes that they “always [seem] to have their pick” [sic]. And lets not forget, they weren’t easy.

Remember this: Everyone woman was easy for someone. He has just told us all that there are women who “fit the narrative”, so to speak, and they never had sex with him. We can assume from this that he assumes he wont be getting laid on dates – even though I think the point he was driving at was, “I’m not calling you sluts for having tons of guys clamoring for your attention!”

ARE YOU FUN AND INTERESTING? Instead of being in the mode of judging guys to be boring or talkative or arrogant, ask yourself that question and answer it honestly. A guy is going to take you out, probably spend money on the first date and is meeting you after a hard day at work. Are you going to inquisition him, lay down the world according to you, make him do heavy lifting, or put him on the spot? Or, are you going to make sure the encounter is fun and interesting.

The guy doesn’t want to feel like he is being tested. Successful female daters know that. They make sure the encounter is fun and interesting. He will screw up on his own. You don’t have to test him. And you being friendly has nothing to do with the time frame it takes to go to bed with anyone.

This part is my favorite. He clearly doesn’t understand hypergamy and shit testing. A woman will test you on the date, it is literally hard-wired into her biology to test you. She has to, her genes will it. If she doesn’t test you, she will never know if you’re valuable to mate with. Now of course, a guy like this probably says, “She doesn’t have to test me to know that! I have a good job, and I’m nice! That’s good, right!?”

Understand, she may, in her rational human mind, understand these things. But the hamster that controls her is wired directly to her vagina. And her vagina doesn’t care about your car or your job. It cares about your genes, which are nancy, and the hamster cares about making nothing her fault.

Howard performs what I call the “Republican Candidate Political Strategy”.

The RCPS (as it shall be called) is demonstrated by trying to be middle of the road enough to get the other team to like you, but not so far over the line that your own team hates you. Howard is trying to placate the women just enough by saying things like, “you don’t have to try and trip us up, we’ll trip ourselves up”. He hopes that by exhibiting this supplicant behavior, he will gain a woman’s favor and she will grant access to her glory (read: vagina).

He’s right to a degree – admitting beforehand that you’re going to screw up wildly with or without her testing you will keep her from testing you. Unfortunately it will also keep her from dating you, and ultimately sleeping with you. I would suggest that this commenter take a huge dose of reality and understand women for what they really are: confused and in need of real men.

Learning a bit of game and realizing that he shouldn’t do things like immediately buy her drinks, take her to dinner for the first date, and drone on about past relationships and how much better this girl is will work wonders for this guy and might even get him laid.